dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
