just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
