i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
