I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize