Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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