He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
