i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
