omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
