You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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