I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
