i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize