you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
