Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
