I have demons in me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
