Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
