I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
