Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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