Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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