Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
