He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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