Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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