I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
