id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
