Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
