I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
