it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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