Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
