i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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