And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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