I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
