Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
