Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
