I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
