Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
