Nicole vs. Life
I am spending my child support on dildos
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize