im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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