i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
