i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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