FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
