Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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