What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
