So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize