Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
