From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize