it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
