Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
