quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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