What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
