It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
