didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
