Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
