I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
