weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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