my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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