Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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