Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
