As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
