You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
