i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He is an equal opportunity slut.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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