Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize