If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
