Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
